


Manic Monday Madness

by ButterFlyEffect



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Café, Cleaning, Crack, Ghoul, Other, Parody, Truth or Dare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-11 04:28:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3313973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterFlyEffect/pseuds/ButterFlyEffect
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little fun goes wrong when you decide to challenge Nishio to a little game of truth or dare.</p><p>(Reader/Various, CrackFic)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Manic Monday Madness

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's a little difficult to write realistic truth or dare game fanfics but I felt like a little silliness, so I did my best. I hope nobody is too out of character! ^^
> 
> Also, I hardly speak any french at all, so sorry if it's off; I had to rely on Google Translate. :'D

There was a general Monday atmosphere at Anteiku that evening, as you began to finish up for the day. You were helping Kaneki clean the tables, Touka swept the floor, Nishio was bringing the potted plants inside due to the heavy rain forecast, Hinami was washing up with the manager and Tsukiyama lounged around at one of the tables, sipping coffee, despite the fact that it was well past closing hours.

The shop smelled like coffee beans and milk and there was a general feeling of warm drowsiness. Most of your movements had become habitual and mechanical by this point. Orange sunlight flooded through the window.

It was at that moment that an idea formed in your head and you looked over to where Nishio was putting another potted plant behind the counter.

“Hey Nishiki,” you called. “Truth or dare?”

“Neither,” he called back irritably. 

“Aww! Don’t be a spoilsport! What are you, chicken? Maybe I’ll just tell Kimi about that time you forgot about her birthday until the day before? Or what about the time you-“

“Dare,” he interrupted loudly, decided that a refusal was obviously not worth the agony. A wicked grin spread itself across your face. “Alright then,” you said cheerily, clapping your hands together. “Go out onto the balcony and yell really loudly ‘I like to sleep naked’.”

Nishio spluttered and you could have sworn you heard Tsukiyama choking quietly on his coffee. Touka was regarding the whole situation with bemusement.

“No,” Nishio protested decidedly. “(Name), what are you doing?”

“Oh, I’m just looking for Kimi’s contact details-“

“No don’t! I’ll… I’ll do it.”

You snapped your phone shut and answered: “That’s what I like to hear!”

Touka groaned. Tsukiyama and Kaneki watched the scene with interest, though Kaneki was obviously trying to hide his curiosity. Even Hinami had turned around and was looking at Nishio, wondering if he was actually going to follow through.

Nishio walked over towards the glass doors and stepped out onto the balcony, muttering under his breath all the way. Snickering, you followed him out and stood behind him.

Nishio cleared his throat. “I like to sleep naked,” he mumbled.

“Louder!” you encouraged in a sing song voice.

“I like to sleep naked,” he repeated a little more firmly.

“I can’t hear you!”

Nishiki took a deep breath, grabbed the railings and yelled loudly: “I like to sleep naked!”

Several confused heads turned upwards. There were whispers and several people pointed upwards. One or two snickers could be heard. One person yelled back: “You go buddy!”

Realised properly what he had just been forced to shout over the balcony railings, Nishio quickly turned on his heels and shot back outside. Tsukiyama clapped and purred: “Trés bien!”

Hinami had a hand clamped over her mouth, while Touka pretended to ignore the whole scene. Kaneki was staring at Nishio, open-mouthed.

“Now, it’s your turn, (Name),” Nishio growled furiously. You smiled innocently and replied: “Truth.” Even you knew better than to pick dare in this situation. Nishio smirked.

“Out of all the guys in this room, who would you rather make out with?” This was followed by dead silence. Tsukiyama and Nishio were both watching you intently. Kaneki was obviously trying not to seem at least a little interested, but was failing. You could see from the corner of your eye that he was glancing up every now and then.

“Kaneki obviously,” you said loudly. The black haired boy spluttered and hid his face in his hand in embarrassment. Unfortunately this was not his lucky day, as the next thing you said was: “Okay, my turn again. Kaneki.” Your eyes swept the room and landed on the terrified twitching boy.

“T-truth,” he stammered. Tsukiyama was leaning forward in his seat, eyeing Kaneki, the coffee temporarily forgotten.

“Good choice! Who would you rather kiss, Ayato or Tsukiyama?”

“Ayato,” Kaneki answered almost instinctively. Tsukiyama flopped dramatically back into his chair and placed the back of his hand to his forehead.

“You wound me, Kaneki,” he whined theatrically. 

“Your turn Kaneki,” you prompted sweetly.

“Hinami?” he said apologetically. He was obviously not about to ask Touka or Tsukiyama. Nobody had even thought of including the manager.

“Truth…” she replied, suddenly looking anxious.

“Who’s your favourite author?” Kaneki asked, obviously taking pity on her and asking her something easy. However, just as Hinami was about to open her mouth, you interrupted.

“Kaneki!” you whined. “That’s too easy! Hinami, how many children do you want?”

“I don’t know!” she exclaimed, panicked.

“Don’t you think it’s a little too early for her to be thinking about that?” Nishio defended her.

You shrugged and added: “Just pick a number. Any number.”

“One,” Hinami squeaked uncomfortably.

“Your turn, Hinami,” Kaneki said, smiling encouragingly.

“Sorry, Tsukiyama-san,” she spoke apologetically.

“That’s okay, mon cher! Dare,” he added. Hinami searched the room, looking for something to use as a dare.

When she seemed unable to come up with anything she shrugged and said: “Imitate another person and we’ll guess who it is.”

Tsukiyama got up from his chair without a word, walked over to another table, lifted a foot and kicked over a chair. It clattered noisily to the floor.

“What was that for damnit?” Nishio complained, hauling the chair upright again.

“Who am I?” was the only thing Tsukiyama said.

“Touka,” you called out, raising your hand.

“Correct, mon cher!” he answered with a clap. Then you both turned your heads to where Touka was leaning on the broom. The temperature in the room had seemingly dropped several degrees, as she stood surrounded by a murky aura.

“Do you both have a death wish?” she growled finally. You stiffened, but Tsukiyama seemed unworried. He walked back to his seat and sipped at his coffee before asking leisurely: “(Name), vérité ou oserait?”

You didn’t speak French, but you understood the gist of it. You knew trusting Tsukiyama with this game wasn’t the best of ideas, but nevertheless you replied bravely: “Dare.” You hoped you were currently on his good side.

“Excellent choice, mon cher. Prank call a random phone number.”

You smiled wickedly. “With pleasure!”

Snapping open your phone, you dialled a random series of numbers and pressed call. Just as you switched on the loud speaker there was a click from the other end of the line as someone picked up the receiver.

“Himura residence?” an unfamiliar male voice answered.

“Hallo Mr. Himura! It’s Yui, from college? Do you remember?” you answered, using the first name that came to mind.

“Um… Oh… Oh yes, Yui! It’s been a while!” You couldn’t tell if the person on the other end actually knew a Yui or was just faking it to be polite, but either way there were snickers from Nishio and Tsukiyama. You were trying your absolute hardest not to burst into cackling yourself.

“I’m so glad you remember, darling!” you spoke into the phone, feigning an unfamiliar accent.

“Why do you call?” the stranger asked. You could hear the confusion coming from his voice in waves.

“Oh I was just wondering how you were doing, love,” you drawled.

“Everything pretty good here, but I can’t really talk right now. Do you think you could call back?”

“Sure thing honey,” you said sweetly. “Talk to you soon!”

You hung up with a beep. Nishio was having to support himself on a table at this point, having fits of laughter. Kaneki was staring at you, mouth agape.

“I can’t believe you actually did that,” Hinami whispered, in awe. You winked at her before speaking up: “Kaneki, I dare you to text Hide and tell him ‘Meet me tomorrow behind the gym’.”

“Don’t I get to choose truth?” Kaneki objected.

“No, that’s what you chose last time,” you refused sweetly. You moved to stand over Kaneki’s right shoulder, while Nishio and Hinami crowded around his left. Kaneki reluctantly pulled out his phone.

“Do I have to?” he asked hopelessly.

“Go on, you big scaredy-cat,” you teased, nudging his shoulder. He sighed, opened the texting app, chose Hide and wrote: “Meet me tomorrow behind the gym.”

Almost a second later the message became marked as read. You all held your breath as the typing bubble showed up from Hide. There was a ka-pling from the phone, and everyone leaned in eagerly.

“I’m not that kind of girl,” was all the text read, along with a blushing emoticon.

Kaneki groaned. “Can I tell him it was a dare now?”

“Nuh-uh! Tell him tomorrow behind the gym,” you snickered, winking at him. “Go on, choose your victim.”

“Hinami-“

“Somebody else,” you added. Unhappily he looked around the room. Touka was out, you had just been, Hinami was out and choosing Nishio seemed terrifying. The manager had long since made a quiet exit.

“Tsukiyama-san, truth or dare?” he finally asked reluctantly. Tsukiyama genuinely looked happy when his name was mentioned and he leaned eagerly forwards in his chair. “Truth.”

“Do you want to eat me?” Kaneki asked uncertainly. All eyes, even Touka’s, turned curiously to Tsukiyama. Kaneki looked tense and Hinami’s gaze flickered between him and Tsukiyama. You held your breath. Tsukiyama leaned back in his seat, obviously enjoying the moment of suspense.

“Maybe,” he replied smoothly, winking. Kaneki shuddered. There was a universal silent decision not to push that question any further. The room fell into an awkward silence, which you broke with a cough. Tsukiyama unfolded his legs and folded them again, before turning to Hinami.

“Hinami,” he began. She squeaked and looked up anxiously. “Y-yes?”

“Truth or dare?”

“Truth,” she answered again. You decided to keep quiet about her taking the safe option again. You weren’t heartless; you weren’t going to put her at the mercy of a dare from Tsukiyama.

“Which kind of flowers do you prefer; roses or chrysanthemums?”

Hinami visibly relaxed. Tsukiyama had obviously given her an easy question again. Hinami was probably the only one who never got to see the less pleasant side of his personality, you mused.

“Probably chrysanthemums,” she answered.

“Ahah,” Tsukiyama murmured, filing this titbit of information for future reference.

“(Name)-neesan, truth or dare?”

“Dare,” you decided, knowing that whatever she came up with it couldn’t be that terrible. This was Hinami after all.

“Lick the doorknob of the front door,” she grinned. You gasped dramatically and pretended to swoon.

“To soil my virgin tongue with such a thing,” you moaned.

“Just get on with it,” Nishio sneered. 

Glaring at him you walked over to the door, trying not to imagine how many hands had been on the doorknob that day, bent down and licked it, tasting the metal on your tongue. You then made a face and pulled away. Nishio looked triumphant. Deciding to fix that you spoke: “Nishio, truth or dare?”

Sure enough, the smirk vanished from his face and he muttered ‘truth’. Obviously he had learned his lesson from you.

“How many times have you done it with Kimi-san?”

“What!?” he spluttered loudly. Kaneki looked almost just as shocked and Touka’s face distorted in disgust.

“Well?” you asked, in a tone that was sickeningly sweet. Nishio pushed his glasses up his nose, arranging them so they reflected the light, hiding his eyes.

“17 times,” he answered.

Tsukiyama was obviously enjoying the discomfort Nishio was in at this point. Kaneki had gone back to wiping the tables, though you could see that his face had gone slightly red.

"I guess you really do like sleeping naked then," you snorted.

Hinami looked confused and glanced between you and Nishio. “I don’t understand,” she spoke up, sounding confused.

“Don’t listen Hinami,” Touka told her, shooting a warning glance at you. You shrugged.

“Touka, truth or dare?” Nishio asked. All eyes shot to him and then to Touka. She looked conflicted. She obviously didn’t want to back out, and couldn’t think of a tactical retreat. On the other hand, playing this game with Nishio could be dangerous. Everybody held their breath.

“Truth,” she growled, deciding to at least pick the less dangerous option. Nishio smirked.

“I thought so. Have you ever kissed Kaneki?” The broom Touka had been holding clattered to the floor. The room seemed to go cold and you shivered, despite the sun which leaked out from behind the approaching storm clouds.

“What? No! Where do you get these ideas from!?” she yelled finally. Her face was bright red. Kaneki had his hands over his face again. You couldn’t remember the last time she had looked so terrifying.

When the manager finally returned a few minutes later he was almost hit by a flying chair. Touka was still chasing Nishio around the room, throwing things at him and attempting to hit him with the broom. You had taken cover with Kaneki and Hinami behind the bar area and Tsukiyama had obviously made a hasty retreat when the fight broke out, not wanting to dirty his new suit.

The manager sighed and closed the door again. When things had calmed down, he would make sure you all cleaned up every inch of the café from start to finish again. This was going to be a long evening.

**Author's Note:**

> I realise this fic isn't really all that likely, but it was pretty hilarious to write.
> 
> I like having a confident protagonist, because in real life I can hardly say hello to anyone without totally messing up what I'm going to say. :'D
> 
> Please leave a comment, I always enjoy reading your thoughts!


End file.
